Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
