____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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