First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
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We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize