So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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