also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
