yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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