Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize