I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
This couple is walking their pig around campus
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
