I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Randomize
