Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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