hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize