I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
