At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
