Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
