i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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