if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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