she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
