is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize