I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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