I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Randomize
