Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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