I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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