I accidentally had phone sex last night
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
