She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
