There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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