hotel room ftw
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
