Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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