Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize