you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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