I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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