Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
