The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
