5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Randomize
