update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
