guys are only as good as the porn they watch
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
