You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Randomize
