I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
