you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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