I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
false alarm. still invincible.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
