I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
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