i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
