I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
