i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize