please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
