Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Randomize
