i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
