I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
