What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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