I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
