My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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