Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Randomize