I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
