i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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