You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
