Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
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