i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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