we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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