I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
