i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
