Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
