After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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