No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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