Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
