Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
