a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
