You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I bet he comes in French.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
