i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize