dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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