Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
