debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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