we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
