My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
