Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
