Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
