My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Randomize
