You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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