Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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