Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
