More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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