i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Watching her eat just hurts me
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Randomize
