i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
