Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
