OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Randomize