fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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