I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
