Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Someone shattered a urinal.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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