Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Randomize
