I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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