there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
