Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
