Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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