Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
im having a threesome with these popsicles
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
