it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
