My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
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