Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
