maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize